Category: Writing

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(Insert Tantrum Here)

Before I splatter my heart and soul all over this page, we need a gentle reminder.

This is MY space. I choose to be vulnerable and share it with your eyes and your judgments and your preconceived notions. I encourage genuine feedback, but please be overly confident if you choose to negate anything in my space. I may love you, but my tolerance level for pearl clutching and toxic positivism is in the negatives. The gloves are off.

For starters, I chose to read All the Ugly and Wonderful Things the week the kids’ dad got released from prison. It was a horrible, unconscious choice that wrecked me every single time I read a little more in the book. (Side note: It is INCREDIBLY written but not for the faint of heart… Probably one of my top books for 2025 so far…). Highly recommend. My timing was just off, which is literally an accurate description of my entire 44 years on this planet.

Anyway, the kids’ dad was released on March 28th. He’s served his time and is sober, so more power to him. He moved to Oklahoma with his girlfriend and is hoping for a new lease on life. He says the only responsibility he has is cleaning their pool. His life as a pool boy with no expenses seems to be thriving. He’s got four kids out here that have been raised by single moms who get nothing from him, but different strokes for different deadbeat folks, I suppose.

This leaves me with big feelings that took me by surprise. I honestly didn’t expect any feelings, but the fiery anger (and maybe resentment/disappointment/grief?) takes my breath away and spikes my blood pressure every time it crosses my mind. I’ve never expected life to be fair or just, but this takes the unjust nature of our time on this planet to a new, soul-crushing level. I’ve never had the opportunity to grieve the life I thought I’d have at 34 or 44, and that sucks. It leaves me feeling empty and alone. I went from losing a husband/ best friend/life partner to to being the single mom of a 1 and 2 year old quite literally in the same exasperated breath. I was in a relationship after my marriage that I hoped would last (if only because it was so vanilla and predictable), but in retrospect, only left Kannon with a “distant uncle” type relationship and me with a lot of wasted years on absolutely nothing. I am at the same place I was a decade ago, only now I have teenagers who expect perfection from their one present parent, and don’t miss a beat.

What is so wrong with me that I am alone, hamster-wheeling through life and raising these two? Logically, I know that is a ridiculous statement, but that’s what is screaming at the top of my distorted brain at 3 am when I can’t sleep. How does an ex-con who has shit on everything good he’s ever been handed walk out of prison to a life of ease and luxury, while I’m over here not paying the internet so I can pay the electric? I will process more as time goes on… or maybe I won’t… because I am so tired and irritated that I’ve already given so much of myself and my peace to this idiocy.

In addition to that, it has dawned on me 15 years too late that nothing I had with the kids’ dad was real. He is a shapeshifter and will contort to fit whatever his current meal ticket finds suiting. He did it for me until he couldn’t. He hit a ceiling and just wore himself out pretending to be someone he wasn’t. His current situation may last, just because he’s too tired, sick and felonious to start again. Another personally startling realization is this: I’ve never been in love and I have never been emotionally safe in any romantic relationship I’ve cultivated. It’s interesting that I saw potential where there was none and jumped in with both feet every. single. time. Therapy has shed light on that, but understanding the why of things doesn’t alleviate or change anything. Maybe Mr. Right will enter the scene someday. Maybe I’m just tired and don’t have the energy or faith to find out. We shall see, I guess. I’ve poured so much of my magical self into the shittiest humans on Earth, and that’s nauseating to reconcile…

Well, I better get off of here. I have to grab Kannon from school and take him to the dentist, then pick up my car from the body shop in Victoria, then come back to work and finish up some expense reports and time sheets, then grab the kids from school, get Anaiah to her lash appointment, then figure out dinner, then pay the mortgage (which is two months behind), the electric bill, the internet, the disposal invoice (possibly three months behind), pack our stuff for Anaiah’s district track meet tomorrow, wash her jersey, make breakfast for the kids for tomorrow, and text Kannon’s coach to make sure he has a ride home from school tomorrow… since I will be at Anaiah’s district track meet. I get that I am blessed because I get ALL of my kids ALL the time. I would not like splitting time with anyone else and trusting anyone else to care for them. This is not a celebratory post for single parenthood. It is okay to honestly lament the painful, heavy, life-altering seasons of life. It is normal and human to feel awful and sad and all the things we hide in closets and sweep under bulging rugs. It is important to sit with those feelings and give them the space they demand, then trudge directly through them to the other side. Writing helps me do that, and I am promising myself that I will make it more of a priority as I continue through this startling era of existence.

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What I’m Reading: What Lies Beneath — by J. G. Hetherton

J.G. Hetherton was raised in rural Wisconsin, graduated from Northwestern University, and lived in Chicago for the better part of a decade. Along the way to his first novel, he dabbled in many different day jobs before moving to North Carolina for a girl. They live in Durham, North Carolina with their twin daughters, and when he’s not writing, you can find him on the hiking trail or sitting down with a good book.

Perfect for fans of Jeffery Deaver and J.A. Jance, in this thrilling second book in the series, Laura Chambers finds herself caught in a deadly web of small town secrets.

Hillsborough, North Carolina is a town with a dark history that is bubbling to the surface. Twenty years ago, Laura’s friend’s family was slaughtered in their beds, and the sole survivor, Laura’s eight-year-old friend, was whisked away to distant relatives. That was the last time Laura ever saw her best friend.

Twenty years later, a woman runs onto the interstate, directly into the path of a truck, and the gruesome accident leaves behind a mangled corpse. Her very last phone call was to Laura, just before she was killed, but her face is disfigured beyond recognition. Identification seems impossible, and the victim was barefoot and in a state of undress. The only thing in her possession is an old photograph depicting Laura, Laura’s father—and standing next to them, her lost friend from childhood.

Laura’s father passed away when she was eight, and she thought she understood why he vanished from her life in the year before he died, but the photograph and the corpse begin to cast doubt on everything she thought she knew.

As the lines between fact and fiction blur, Laura digs into the history of the deceased, and her own family, determined to discover what lies beneath…

Laura is an interesting bird. She has been emotionally abused by her mother her entire life and lied to by both her parents, among others. Over all, I like her character. She’s flawed and I like that, but also stays in her own head a little too much. I found myself irritated with her more than once.

The author’s website

Email the author directly at jghetherton@gmail.com

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What I’m Reading: Last Girl Gone — by J. G. Hetherton

J. G. Hetherton was in raised in rural Wisconsin, graduated from Northwestern University, and lived in Chicago for the better part of a decade. Along the way to his first novel, he dabbled in many different day jobs before moving to North Carolina for a girl. They live in Durham, North Carolina, with their twin daughters, and when he’s not writing, you can find him on the hiking trail or sitting down with a good book.

A Sun-Sentinel Top Debut Mystery of 2018

This pulse-pounding series debut is the next obsession for fans of Julia Keller and David Bell, and readers of unflinching thrillers.

Sometimes, the journey home is the most harrowing. And it’s every parent’s worst nightmare.

Investigative journalist Laura Chambers is back in her tiny hometown of Hillsborough, North Carolina, the one place she swore never to return. Fired from the Boston Globe, her career in shambles, she reluctantly takes a job with the local paper. The work is simple, unimportant, and worst of all, boring—at least until a missing girl turns up dead, the body impeccably clean, dressed to be the picture of innocence.

Years earlier, ten-year-old Patty Finch left home and never made it back. But for the people of Hillsborough, Patty was just the beginning. Child after child disappeared, a reign of terror the town desperately wants to forget. Now that terror has returned to seize another girl. And another.

This is the story Laura’s been waiting for—her one last chance to get back onto the front page. She dives deeper into a case that runs colder by the second, only to discover the truth may be far closer to home than she could have ever imagined. Powerful, intricate, and tense, Last Girl Gone will have you looking over your shoulder long after the last page.

I love reading debut novels, and this one was really good. I liked the characters, and Laura’s turbulent relationship with her mother added to the mix nicely. I am looking forward to the next book from this author.

The author’s website

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What I’m Reading: Love at First Psych — Cara Bastone

Cara Bastone is a full time writer who lives and writes in Brooklyn with her husband, son, and an almost-goldendoodle. Her goal with her work is to find the swoon in ordinary love stories. She’s been a fan of the romance genre since she found a grocery bag filled with her grandmother’s old Harlequin Romances when she was in high school. She’s a fangirl for pretzel sticks, long walks through Prospect Park, and love stories featuring men who aren’t crippled by their own masculinity.

True love is put to the test in this romantic comedy brought to hilarious life by Santino Fontana (Frozen, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel), Stephanie Einstein, and a full cast!

This Psych 312 assignment just might send me off the deep end. Determining whether love at first sight really exists with Robbie Moravian as my project partner, of all people?

He’s the sappiest man alive, so upbeat I could scream, and clearly rooting for happy endings at every turn. How does he not learn from experience considering our own meet-cute last semester almost got us expelled?

But we both need to pass this course to graduate. So we’re interviewing five random couples about their meet-cutes and relationships and spending all this time together. Which is certainly…educational.

Because it turns out Robbie isn’t just the charming golden boy I thought I knew. There’s some actual depth beneath all those lame dad jokes and the ‘70s-inspired thrift wardrobe (even if he does look ridiculously great in a flared collar). Next thing I know he’s walking me back to my office on the regular and finishing all my sentences and protecting me from freak storms, and…

Wait. Could Robbie be right? Can happy endings really come from unhappy beginnings? Is he about to change my entire world view?

Group projects are the worst.

I’m not a big romance fan, so I thought I would dip my toe in the genre by listening to a short audiobook that is currently free on Audible. It is 4 hours and 35 minutes long and honestly a delight. It is light, fun, and spins a hopeful look on romance and love. The narrators are perfect for the roles, in my opinion, and I highly recommend the listen. The plot is based on Robbie and Marigold working together on a romantic psych project. They interview several couples about their respective relationships for their class. I love that a lesbian, divorced, and elderly couples were included in the work. The professor of their class also references his husband, Scott. I am big on inclusion. This is a great choice if a break from serious, intense, or emotional reads is needed. It makes me miss that flirty, light stage in the very beginning of relationships… a little.

Marigold – 27 years old, working on her bachelor’s degree, working on a project for Psych 312 class with Robbie, striving to prove love at first sight does not exist, parents are divorced science teachers employed at the same school, light brown hair, petite

Robbie – 28 years old, working on his bachelor’s degree, working on a project for Psych class with Marigold, striving to prove love at first sight exists, father owns a car dealership and mother is a retired superintendent, tall, has an infectious smile

Buy Love at First Psych HERE

Cara Bastone’s Instagram

Check out Cara’s website here!

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What I’m Reading: The Girl on the Train

I think I put off reading this one because of the hype that surrounded it when it first came out in 2015. Then there was the first movie adaptation in 2016, followed by a 2021 Indian Hindi-language version directed by Ribhu Dasgupta and produced by Reliance Entertainment. I don’t generally like or watch movie adaptations of the books I read because I am more creative and accurate with my imaginative perspectives of the settings and characters than Hollywood (also, Bollywood, in this case, I guess). I am going to watch both versions for this one after I finish reading, though. It was a really great psychological page-turner, if not a little confusing at times, due mostly to Megan and Rachel’s hazy mental states. Paula Hawkins may have done it on purpose.

Full disclosure: This book opened some doors and shut some doors for me personally. Alcoholism and addiction are things that have brushed my life very closely and have changed the absolute course of my life in some respects. I have never read a first-person view that so accurately depicts the aftermath of an addictive episode; the guilt, the desperate attempts to remember, the embarrassment that comes in waves, the depression that goes hand in hand with addiction and binging. Rachel is the catalyst that makes me begin to examine some of my own drinking habits and reevaluate whether or not alcohol is even something I want in my life at all. It also helps me understand some of those who have experienced similar circumstances and humanizes them for me better than I can on my own.

Buy The Girl on the Train Here